Risk Read online

  ‘Is he still online?’

  ‘I think so. I didn’t know what to write back. He said I was stunning.’ I feel the heat flush into my neck and face.

  ‘You are stunning! Just say thanks and tell him you think he’s hot.’

  I turn back to the screen. WOW! You’re stunning! sits there.

  Thank you, I type, then delete it. I then write, Cool pic. I love those huts. I post and instantly regret it. ‘I love those huts?’ Oh my god. So lame. I tell Riley what I wrote and she cracks up laughing.

  ‘You know what, Taylor? This is why you’re so gorgeous. Oh, your email’s just come in.’ I’ve forwarded Jacob’s picture to Riley. She starts to giggle. ‘Yeah,’ she says, ‘very nice huts.’ She laughs loud. ‘He’s freaking gorgeous! Ahhh, what a classic.’

  ‘I’m so bad at this,’ I say.

  ‘You so are.’ She laughs again. ‘Sorry,’ she says. ‘I just can’t stop looking at those huts.’

  We chat some more and then say goodbye. I need to concentrate my attention on Jacob, who’s just written, Tell me about your pic. Where were you and what were you doing?

  I tell him the story and, without trying, it actually makes me sound pretty cool. A party with friends … the story makes me sound fun. And he keeps writing back. We’re swapping stories. He has a little brother who also surfs. He’s really annoyed because he taught him to surf and now his brother is better at it than he is. His dad’s a GP. My mum’s a nurse. I want to ski, he likes to board. My school is Trueman, his is nearby: Windridge. I love Reece Mastin. He loves Guy Sebastian. We chat for so long that I have to have a bathroom break. Five hours pass before we log off, and we seem to know everything there is to know about each other. I even told him about Dad, how he died eight years ago and was sick for years before that. I don’t talk about it much with anyone except for Mum and sometimes Sierra.

  I lie in my bed, my head spinning, not wanting to forget anything Jacob said.

  I have to get hotter.

  Starting tomorrow, I’m on a diet … and an exercise program. I have to look good in a bikini.

  I wake late, ring Riley and gush over the phone.

  ‘I so want to be there when you tell Sierra on Monday,’ she says.

  I had forgotten I was supposed to be pissed at Sierra. I have the urge to ring and tell her all about Jacob. She’d be happy for me. She’d squeal her head off, I can just hear her.

  When I hang up, I go downstairs in runners and shorts, ready for a jog. Mum’s at the table reading the paper, having a coffee.

  ‘What’s this?’ She smiles.

  ‘I’m going jogging. I want to lose weight.’

  ‘How much?’

  ‘Um … not sure. I just want to look good in a bikini.’

  She laughs.

  ‘We all want to look good in a bikini. As long as you do it sensibly and slowly, that’s great. Good for you.’

  She doesn’t say I don’t need to.

  ‘I’ll be back soon.’

  I sprint through the front door and start off down the road. After two minutes, my lungs are burning and my thighs are feeling heavy. I push through it.

  Ja-cob Jones. Ja-cob Jones. Ja-cob Jones.

  I sing the mantra, a step for every syllable, for the entire time I run around our suburb.

  When I get back I collapse on the lawn in our front yard. The sun scorches my beetroot face. I sit up and shield my eyes. I roll onto all fours before I rise to my feet. Then I drag myself to the shower and let the water run over me. I’m going to feel it tomorrow.

  When I finally get back to my room, I check my phone. I have an email.

  It’s Jacob.

  Flat as a pancake today so no surfing, but thought you’d like this.

  I open the attachment.

  It’s a photo of the vibrant beach huts, lined up on the clean white sand, beneath a bright blue sky.

  I love it! Thanks. T x

  I turn on my computer, save the photo and make it my desktop background. I want to see it every time I log on.

  Jacob Jones thought of me first thing in the morning.

  Jacob Jones. Jacob and Taylor. Taylor Jones.

  Callum who?

  I think I’m in love.

  TWO

  ‘Tell. Me. Everything.’ Riley’s green eyes sparkle with excitement.

  ‘Well, no big chat session like our first. But we’ve been in touch over the weekend by email … We just haven’t been online at the same time again.’

  The first day of school after the summer holidays is always the noisiest. The canteen is filling up with squealing girls, who are hugging and kissing each other as if they’ve been stuck on a deserted island for fifty years with just a drawn face on a soccer ball to talk to. Riley ignores them.

  ‘When are you going to suggest meeting up, face to face?’

  ‘Not sure. He never mentioned that so I didn’t either. I don’t want to seem desperate.’ I giggle. ‘He’s so nice. I just can’t believe it. Can you believe I actually met a guy like that on Mysterychat?’ I know I’m gushing and sound ridiculous but I don’t care. I can’t think of anything but Jacob.

  ‘Are you going to tell Sierra this morning? If you do, please, please, please do it when I’m there to see it,’ Riley begs.

  ‘Where is she, anyway?’ I scan the canteen and wave at Izzy, who’s scanning the canteen, too – also probably looking for Sierra. Sierra and Izzy are friends, but Izzy mostly hangs out with the sporty crowd. She’s pretty cool. ‘She can’t be here yet,’ I say. ‘We’d hear her if she was.’

  Joel arrives and sits with us. He and Riley are in separate classes this year, so it will be less awkward when they break up next time. When Callum arrives and beelines for our table, our little group is almost complete. I saw Callum only a few times over the holidays. It feels good to be interested in someone else. A new possibility.

  ‘Hey, guys,’ Callum says with a smile. ‘Taylor, you look great!’

  I’ve always thought Callum was cute. His hair is dead straight but always manages to look messy. I look him over. There’s something different about him … in the way he holds his shoulders as he walks, the way he tosses his head to the side, and the way he looks straight into my eyes. He moves with an air of confidence that I’ve never noticed before.

  ‘Aw thanks, Callum.’ I know he doesn’t really mean it, but I blush anyway. We’re close and comfortable with each other. Maybe that’s why he’s never seen me as more than a friend.

  It suddenly hits me why he looks different. ‘Callum! No braces! Wow, look at you! Your teeth are perfect! Show me.’ I hold both sides of his face and he grins wide. ‘Wow,’ I say again. I can see he’s pleased. He can’t stop beaming.

  ‘Joel, Riley, how’s that –’

  ‘Oh god,’ Riley talks over Callum. ‘She’s arrived.’

  Sierra walks through the door of the canteen and squeals when she sees me, even though we saw each other only a few days ago. Her parents haven’t lifted the ban: she’s still got no internet access at home or on her phone, and they even blocked her phone from sending or receiving text messages. It’s for phone calls only and they check the numbers. So when she sees people she goes a bit crazy.

  I’m bursting to tell her about Jacob, but don’t really want to say it in front of Callum – not that he’d care, I guess. But I still haven’t told her about skiing with her next year, and I’m so excited I need to tell her right now.

  ‘Guess what?’ I begin.

  ‘You wait until you hear my news! You are not going to believe it!’ says Sierra.

  ‘What’s your news, Tay?’ Callum ignores Sierra and talks to me.

  ‘Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!’ Sierra waves Callum aside. ‘I just have to tell you.’ She pulls a key from her pocket. It dangles from a long red ribbon. ‘Look what I found!’ She sings it and jumps up and down on the spot. Her smile is so big her face might just crack. The key jiggles up and down as she swings it in front of our faces. ‘It’s for my si
ster’s desk.’ She lowers her voice. ‘Cassy’s still in America with Dad. So guess what I’ve had all weekend?’

  ‘Herpes?’ Riley says. The guys laugh.

  ‘Syphilis?’ Joel adds.

  ‘No. Not herpes or syphilis.’

  We all stare at her, waiting. She draws it out.

  ‘It starts with an “l”.’ Sierra’s just about bursting. ‘C’mon, guess what I’ve been doing. I’ll give you another clue. The second word starts with “c”.’

  ‘Licking cats?’ Riley says. We all giggle.

  ‘No,’ Sierra shrieks. ‘Laptop computer! I’ve had Cassy’s laptop and I’ve been online!’ She lets out an excited squeal.

  ‘Yeah … that’s great,’ Callum says, turning back to me. ‘Okay, Tay, now your news.’

  ‘No! That’s not my news!’ interrupts Sierra again. ‘My news is that I’ve been online with a guy all weekend. Oh my god. He is perfect.’

  I look at Callum, fishing for clues of jealousy. His face shows nothing, but maybe that’s just what he’s like. Inside he’s probably spewing.

  ‘And we’re gonna meet on Friday night! Taylor, it’s him! You know. “As if we’re gonna meet any cute guys on that site” … “J is for Jacob” … It’s Jacob!’

  I freeze in my chair.

  ‘His name’s Jacob Jones,’ she tells the others. ‘Oh my god,’ she turns to me. ‘I need your help. I need to stay at your place Friday night –’

  Sierra doesn’t take a breath. She’s talking a thousand words per second about her grand plan, but the loud beating sound in my ears is drowning her out. The air feels thin. I can’t breathe. I quickly make eye contact with Riley, but dart my eyes away. She knows not to say anything.

  ‘Taylor?’ Sierra’s still standing in front of me, her blue eyes glittering. ‘Don’t you remember? You know, that guy on Mysterychat!’ Her shrill voice pierces my ears.

  ‘I can’t listen to this.’ Riley grabs her bag and pushes past Sierra.

  ‘What?’ Sierra yells after her. She turns back to us. ‘What’s up with her?’

  ‘I’d better go check on her.’ Joel takes off in the same direction.

  ‘Are they fighting again?’ Sierra asks.

  I shrug my shoulders because I can’t talk. The bell goes. We have assembly.

  ‘So what do you think?’ Her smile turns into a frown when she sees my face. ‘Are you okay? You don’t look so good.’

  I shake my head and pick up my bag.

  ‘I feel sick,’ I say. I walk in the opposite direction to the crowd.

  Sierra rushes after me. ‘Are you going to chuck? Can I help? You want me to get someone?’

  ‘No. You go to assembly. I’ll catch up.’

  ‘Are you sure? I think I should come with you.’

  ‘No. You’ll get into trouble. You go.’

  ‘If you’re sure … But I’ll come find you after assembly.’ She peels off and runs towards the hall.

  I head to the toilets and lock myself into a cubicle. I lean against the door. Hot tears spill down my face. It’s not hurt, it’s embarrassment. Humiliation that I thought Jacob was interested in me. Humiliation at declaring it to Riley. How could I have thought that a guy like that would go for someone like me? As if I was ever in his league. The frustration and fury of Sierra always getting what I want simmers inside me. Even as kids she had everything that I wanted: a better bike, nicer clothes, cooler music, amazing holidays, two parents … She kissed Callum and discarded him like he was nothing, and now she has Jacob Jones. Far out! I hate her sometimes, and I hate myself for hating her. Stupid, jealous me. Maybe I just hate me.

  Someone’s outside the cubicle door.

  ‘Tay, is that you?’ It’s Riley. ‘Open up.’ I unlock the door. ‘You want me to come in, or are you coming out?’

  ‘I’m not coming out.’

  She squeezes in and we lean against the walls, facing each other.

  ‘I just thought with him being online for so long – you know, he was interested. But he wasn’t really online for me; he was online for her. I hope I never have to meet him.’ I cover my face with my hands. ‘I’m such an idiot. I’ve never been so embarrassed. Never ever tell her … You must think I’m so ridiculous.’

  ‘No. I think she’s a total cow.’

  ‘It’s not her fault, she doesn’t even know …’

  ‘Yeah, well, I’d hate her.’

  ‘It’s not her fault she looks like that and I …’ I stop. I sound so pathetic.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with how you look. You’re gorgeous.’

  I force a smile and she hugs me.

  ‘Come on,’ I say. ‘Let’s go.’ I don’t feel like one of Riley’s pep talks.

  At lunch we sit under a tree outside the main building. Sierra doesn’t stop talking. I get a blow-by-blow rundown of what she and Jacob talked about. Riley has already had enough and has taken off with Joel. Callum is playing cricket with some other guys. I hope the ball doesn’t hit his new fancy teeth.

  ‘So the plan is to meet up on Friday after school. “Big Friday”, that’s what we’ve been calling it.’ She giggles. ‘And how’s this? He was at the last Winter Olympics! We were in the same crowd, watching Chumpy Pullin’s event. Can you believe it?’

  ‘That’s amazing,’ I say.

  And it is. ‘And we were in the same crowd at Pink’s concert, too. We have the same photos. It’s like it’s meant to be. You know? Like those movies where two soulmates keep crossing paths, destined to meet, and then one day they do and everything about it is perfect. What are the odds of meeting a guy like that on Mysterychat? It must be, like, four gazillion to one. So Friday – can you come with me? Mum’ll let me stay at your place after. We could meet Jacob in the mall and then you could go shopping while we hang out for a bit.’

  ‘Ah …’ My words catch in my throat. I swallow, trying to ease the restriction. ‘I’ll just wait at home. Then you can come over after.’

  ‘Can’t you come?’

  ‘No. I promised Riley I’d help her with something after school. Besides, you don’t want me hanging off you on your date, do you?’

  She purses her lips. ‘Can I stay at yours till Monday? Mum’s volunteering at a hospital fundraiser all day Saturday and Sunday. She’ll arrange some one to supervise me otherwise. Can you believe it? A babysitter! I’m still being policed every second of every day. Technically you’re the police. Mum thinks if I’m with you we won’t be up to much.’

  ‘That says a lot about me,’ I moan. But I’m grateful she didn’t push me to tell her why I didn’t want to go on Big Friday.

  ‘Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that.’ She laughs.

  ‘So. How’d you spend so much time online? Without being busted?’

  ‘Mum thought I was asleep. She doesn’t know I have Cassy’s computer. Cassy’d spew. She’d think I was snooping.’ Sierra rolls her eyes. ‘Like I’d want to. Actually, she wasn’t so bad this time in America. Probably because she was the one staying on to finish the season with Dad and I was the one coming home early. You know how Mum wouldn’t let her miss any school because she was in her senior years so it was just me staying on with Dad? And how she made it into a big deal, always saying I’m Daddy’s little favourite, blah, blah, blah? Well, now she’s finished school and it’s me who has to come home early, I think she gets that I’m not. Dad’s favourite, I mean.’

  While Sierra talks, I watch the dappled sunlight dance across her brown skin. There’s not a single blemish. She’s the perfect combination of genes. Her sister has the same colouring, but she has a larger frame and harsher features. It’s probably another reason Cassy hates Sierra so much – she probably feels like she’s being compared to her all the time. I mean, sometimes I actually think Sierra’s prettier than Taylor Wolfe. Her hair always looks exactly right, with never any frizz. Her nose is perfectly small, and her eyes are a clear dark blue. She’s Jacob’s perfect match.

  I feel my eyes well up with tears. I bl
ink them away. I could kick myself. How could I have been so stupid? To think –

  ‘I can’t wait!’ Sierra’s back to talking about Big Friday. ‘What should I wear? I’m thinking my new blue top.’

  I shrug and nod. Like it matters.

  ‘So, what about Callum?’ I sound bitchy.

  ‘I should probably ask you that.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Are you blind?’

  ‘What?’ I screw up my nose.

  ‘He’s so into you. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.’

  ‘No he’s not. He’s shy. He’s into you, but talks to me because it’s safer ground.’

  She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

  ‘Well … for what it’s worth, and in case you do hold something for Callum … I have a confession to make.’ Sierra swallows hard and diverts her eyes to the ground. She uncrosses her legs, sucks in a deep breath and pulls her shoulders back, like she’s bracing herself.

  Oh god. She’s going to tell me she slept with him. ‘What?’

  ‘Okay, this is really embarrassing but I have to tell you. Nothing happened. I was being a total idiot.’ She rakes her hands through her hair and her face flushes red.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ I can’t control the rising pitch of my voice.

  ‘So you know how the other day I told you I kissed Callum? … I didn’t. I tried to kiss him but he pulled away from me. It was so humiliating. I was drunk – off my face – and I thought he wanted to, but I was wrong. The thing is, people at the party saw, and some of them thought it actually happened – so I just went with it.’ She swallows hard.

  ‘But … But why would you lie about that?’

  ‘I don’t know … I guess being rejected like that … in front of everyone … I was embarrassed. But I didn’t realise until the other day that I think you like him – like like him – so I’m telling you the truth. Just in case you do.’

  Now I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think or how to respond. Was she lying the other day in my room? Or is she lying now? I want to tell her how I feel about Callum, but I hold back to save myself more potential humiliation. I just can’t believe what she’s just told me. No one ever says ‘no’ to Sierra; she always gets who she wants. Callum wouldn’t choose me over her. No one would.